Fears

I wanted to take a second to talk about my fears for this trip. Kind of a depressing post, but I need to express this. There is so much to be excited for, but I don't want to ignore my anxieties. It is important, in admitting your fears you really gain the ability to face them. I have spent years afraid of things I couldn't name and they ate me up. It's time to be proactive :)

1. Being Alone

This has been one of my biggest fears since childhood and I'm certain most people have this fear regularly. But honestly, I've never been truly alone. I've isolated myself and made myself feel alone, but I have always had someone there for me when I truly need them. When I'm gone, who is going to be there for me? Who will hug me when something goes wrong, or help me when I'm sick? Most importantly the hugs, I love hugs from the ones I care about. I know everyone will be home, there for me, but google maps says that's 3,924.58 miles away. It's scary, but I have been trying to look at it as a challenge, and through challenges we grow stronger. It will give me an opportunity to become more independent and leave my shell behind. I have to make new friends and get outside my comfort zone in order to fight this fear.

  

   2.  Missing Events at home 

Equally terrifying. I'm going to miss my nephew being born. He's the first of a new generation, and I am going to miss it :( I'm sorry Abbey. On top of that, what if someone gets sicks? What if something happens to the ones I love at home and I'm not there for it. I'm not quite sure how to fight this fear yet.

    3.  Debt

ohmygod. My student debt terrifies me. I'm only part way through school and it is already so huge. I basically owe my life to the American economic system until my loan is paid. And god knows how long that will be. Owing money really gives me anxiety. 

   4. Loosing my Wanderlust 

This is more of a fear of what happens if I don't go. I have this beautiful wanderlust spirit that just wants to go out an explore. To face the challenges of the world and see and experience incredible things. I'm scared of not going because I'm afraid of loosing that spirit. It's been caged, for what feels like ages, by the monetary inability to travel. If I keep ignoring it, I'm scared of what might happen. I don't want to settle for a job that pays, but doesn't fulfill. I don't want to be middle aged and miserable, because I didn't go out and do the incredible while I'm young. I don't want to smother my spirit and become an "adult". Where is the adventure and fun in that?


What I'm not afraid of

   1. Ebola

Yes, I know its a deadly disease with a 71% mortality rate. If I contract it, or come in contact with it, I'll be scared. But honestly, the infection zone is tiny compared to the size of Africa, and the germ would have to travel across the Sahara to get to me. I honestly doubt anyone with Ebola will be in the condition to trek the Sahara.  Morocco is really doing everything possible to keep the infection out of its borders, including canceling the African Cup. Which is huge, because it got them barred from playing in the tournament.  I would rather help against the problem then be afraid of it.

     2.  Culture Sock

I might regret this statement later, but I'm excited to be put out of my comfort zone. It's a challenge I can grow from. It is what this whole trip is about: being taken out of my comfort zone and introduced to a new world.

So, that's what I have. Back to the excitement :)